You Can't Catch It
by Remyx
Summary: Hikaru get's in a car accident, and Kaoru tries to figure out where he went wrong.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello people reading my fanfic. If you know me from some of my other works, then I'm flattered and apologetic for not finishing some of them. I tend to skip around a lot so that I have a variety of things to work on depending on what mood I'm in.**

**Anyhow, enjoy this. The chapters are meant to be short, and I'm currently working on the next. Thank you and please do not forget to review!**

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_...I had never seen so much blood…_

"Hikaru this toy is broken." I indignantly stated turning towards the boy I was referring to. We had been working diligently trying to construct the newest puzzle toy our mother had bought us, so that it could consume our time without her. It wasn't anything disparate from our normal routine, that's why we were born together; we weren't created to be alone.

…_So much blood…_

"No silly, you're just not doing it right." He sighed patting me gingerly on the head and proceeding to fix my mistakes on our Chinese flyer. I watched him patiently wanting to memorize his every move so I could be exactly like him.

"When we put the two sticks in the tail end, we'll be done right? So it can fly?"

"Not yet Kao-Chan, we have to tape the wing and tail flaps on."

"Oh." I replied simply dumbstruck at how seemingly profound my brother's thinking level was at the time.

…_I should have been there…_

We had the skeleton of the flying contraption almost instantaneously, thus is the skill of two very bored children who were never nurtured through life by anything _except_ puzzle toys, and themselves.

"Now you tape the flaps on okay Kaoru? I'm going to hold them down for you."

"Alright!" I agreed ecstatic the my brother would trust me to take part in helping with such a substantial step in completing our project.

He smiled holding the skeleton down so I could tape the wings. "Steady Kao-chan…good! Look! We can use the crank and make it fly now! You're so smart!"

My heart warmed at my brother's praise, but in all honesty, the words hurt more then they gave me pleasure. They made me feel as if Hikaru was talking down to me, like I was younger then him, and lesser, though we're identical twins. I was always looking for his approval, even though I myself didn't understand exactly why.

…_Should have been there WITH him…_

Hikaru intertwined his arm with mine and we skipped down the stairs and out the doors, ignoring our maids protests, because in our world, they simply didn't exist.

"Ready Kao-chan?" My brother asked excitedly, his hand itching to let the wound up flyer flee to the wind.

"Ready Hika-chan!"

As soon as my voice reached his ears, his hand uncurled and our flyer was at the mercy of the air and space around us. We watched in awe as it flew over our head miraculously reflecting the sunlight above.

"Hikaru?"

My inquiry caught his attention. "Yes Kaoru?"

"…I love you."

"…I love you too."

…_that's why we were born together…_

I have made a discovery in my past adolescence, it's that you can't catch something that you're losing at the same rate you're running. This same theory applied to the time when Hunny, had compiled sweets upon sweets into his never ending stomach, and had gotten himself saturated with sugar, more then usual sugar. He was running everywhere like a schitzophrenic squirrel who had just been diagnosed with ADHD. I sympathisized with Mori, who was no doubt blaming himself, but didn't have the speed even with his long legs to catch Hunny-senpai. Despite the fact, he continued to run after Hunny, as fast as his body would allow him before our giant Mori-senpai tripped and tummbled over his own legs connecting with the ground.

"Mori-senpai!" We called out as we all rushed towards him. "Are you alright?"

Mori simply "hmed" and pushed himself up.

"Takashi!" Hunny's high frequency voice sounded as he bolted toward Mori in at a very supernatural type speed. "Oh no! You're hurt…I hurt you…"

Mori shook his head dusting himself off and patting Hunny's head. "I fell."

"Because you were chasing after me."

The pair staired at each other for what was most likely 3 seconds but seemed like an hour. "Let's go home." The taller finally proposed.

Hunny nodded and grinned. "Alright!" Then, they left.

"What a pair…" Tamaki mused over the two as we watched them shuffle farther. He looked back and fourth between Haruhi, who was currently looking as placidly bored as possible, to my brother, Hikaru. Then he winked. I nearly threw up.

So I have changed my theory; You can't catch something you're losing at the same rate that you're running, and if you try, you fall.

…_.because we weren't created to be alone…_


	2. Chapter 2

…_when they picked up your fragile body, I felt as if they were picking up the pieces of mine…_

That incident made itself vividly replay in my mind for the remainder of the month. I would have punched Tamaki, had Haruhi not been present. I was more afraid of her.

In fact, it was replaying itself in my mind right when Hikaru decided to poke me. "What is it?"

"You've gotten skinnier Kaoru, I wanted to see if I could poke you and you would break."

"Oh thanks, I feel so appreciated now."

"You know I was just kidding Kaoru!" Hikaru chuckled. It sent chills up my spine. "But you have been getting skinnier, are you alright?"

I hadn't even noticed it, but he was right. I hadn't been eating as much as I probably should have. Those breakfasts I skipped weren't really vital in my mind, the lunches I shoved away, were of no importance, and the dinners I had thrown up, not purposefully mind you, never really occurred in my head that they were the only thing keeping me alive.

…_when I held your hand in the ambulance, the coldness was more of a shock then the incident…_

"I'm fine." I chirped giving a stable smile.

"Oh... well then, I was wondering, would you like to go to the upcoming dance with me?"

If there was such a thing as a two minute long heart attack, I'm sure I just had one. "What?" was the only word I could manage to spit out that was somewhat understandable.

Hikaru smiled and rolled his eyes nonchalantly taking my two hands that seemed so minute compared to his. "Will you go to the end of the year dance with me?"

"I-I mean sure!" I laughed nervously making a note of how childish and nervous my voice came out next to Hikaru's casual and steady one. "I just thought you would ask someone else like Haruhi."

"Well, I would have…but you have to remember no one knows she's a girl…plus this will be good for our act!"

I immediately regretted saying anything. I should have just let myself enjoy the thought of Hikaru actually bringing me to a dance because he felt for me in the way I wanted him too. I was sure then, that it wouldn't ever happen.

…_your slow breathing seemed to match the seconds that passed…_

Even when I knew it would never happen, he made the night magical enough for me. At least the illusion of a date between the two of us, masked the pain of never being able to have a real one.

Haruhi did look beautiful, and I felt bad in a way that Hikaru didn't get to find out she was "cross-dressing". He didn't look like it perturbed at all though, so it was a little comforting…until, he asked her to dance. What made me even sicker, was the thought that had popped into my head immediately after he had asked. They deserved each other, and I hated it. Haruhi was smart, honest, understanding, perceptive, and most of all, unrelated. My heart sunk as they moved beautifully across the floor together, with their body's meshed. I could make out the slightest detail of their lips moving and saying something I couldn't understand. Probably something I didn't want to understand.

I started to wonder what it was that was keeping Hikaru and I separate, even if by a small space. We were closer than anyone else near us, yet the space between us was an apparent one. Still, I wondered if it was my sexual preference? Or perhaps in his mind such an incestual act was too sinful , or maybe it was that I just wasn't good enough.

…_so when we reached the hospital, I couldn't have been happier, because you would be okay, you were always ok…_

I decided that I couldn't handle watching the scene play out so well anymore. I truly wanted Hikaru to be happy, and in some ways, I wished the best for Haruhi too, though she wasn't my main concern, the only problem was I was having trouble showing it.

However, as soon as I had decided to get up and leave, the song was over, and Hikaru took his place back on the side of the dance floor, twisting and turning his head as if he was looking for someone. Then I remembered in my moment of stupidity that I had randomly gone missing.

"Hikaru, I'm here!" I called out waving to him.

"Oh there you are Kaoru. Why did you run off?"

I wasn't sure if I had the guts to look him in the eye and lie to him this time. "Because…I…" I had no idea what to say.

Hikaru smiled, almost like he knew, and took my hand in his bowing low. "May I have this dance?"

He may have been playing, as typical Hikaru nature would allow, but even if he was kidding, it made me want to scream like some sort of fan girl, just as bad.

…_they wouldn't let me follow you…they pulled me apart from you Hikaru, and I watched you disappear into that room, that breathed death…_

I took his hand and blushed, most likely the color of my hair. He pulled my waist tight to his with a strong arm and held the hand that wasn't on his chest. I couldn't remember when he had gotten taller than me, but somehow he had.

When the music started, it almost made me want to cry. I didn't care how sappy of a love song it was. Hikaru and I almost moved perfectly together, though my clumsiness usually got the best of me. Even as a host, dancing was not my strong point. Even so, I leaned my head against Hikaru's chest and I heard him humming, and his heart beating. I loved the sound of his heartbeat, because it proved he was there, that what I was experiencing was real. I didn't hear the girls that were most likely circling around us, and screaming as fan girls tend to do. All I heard was his heartbeat, and it seemed to last for hours.

At one point in time, I did look up at him, and he looked down and smiled reassuringly at me. I both loved and hated the fact that he was so clueless to how I was scoping him out. Hikaru could be frustrating, but that was one of the parts of him I thought to be cute. My eyes traveled from the tux that covered and hugged his chest and opened up at his collar so perfectly. I followed that trail across his atoms apple, and to his slender jaw and lips.

Haruhi was right about something. We may be identical twins, but Hikaru and I are very different. Hikaru has a rhythm and pattern all his own, that I couldn't duplicate myself, even in one of our acts.

When the music was through, we held hands for the rest of the night, and mingled with some of the host club fans, making meaningless conversation. I only got to hear bits and pieces of it though, because my mind was focused on my hotter older twin next to me. I swear I could have ate him through his clothes. He was just that damn delicious.

…_it hurt so much when I saw them place the cold metal slabs on your bare chest, and the "CLEAR!" was even chillier to hear…_


	3. Chapter 3

_…I wasn't going to cry, because I would only do that if I missed something I lost…right?..._

The night wore on, and by that I mean it dragged as slow as Mori's low voice. The guests parted, and we gave our goodbyes for the night, though secretly I could have cared less about them. I've often thought that my attitude towards our "princesses" and sponsors has always been inexcusably ungrateful, but it's considerably hard to care for people when all they fawn over you for is your body, and the way you flirtatiously talk to your own brother all the time. Honestly, Tamaki calls _us_ the perverts, but I digress. Who could concentrate on any night with Hikaru in your field of vision the whole time?

"Hikaru…" I heard Haruhi's soft spoken monotone voice call Hikaru over to her. As much as she didn't deserve it, I really could have popped her in the jaw. I was still fuming over the fact that she had gotten to dance with Hikaru.

_…I silently prayed then, to whatever God there was that would accept such a sinful act from me…_

In a lot of ways, I am the more childish out of Hikaru and me. At least Hikaru has gotten to the stage of voicing his feelings. I don't speak of my opinions. I just don't.

"May I speak to you…in private?"

I nearly snapped the bitch's neck then and there.

"Why not." Hikaru shrugged in his leisurely manor.

They sauntered out of the dance room altogether, I gave myself the okay to follow Hikaru. Haruhi had asked him to speak with her alone, but she had the knowledge that I was always with Hikaru anyways, so she had to know I was there.

Unfortunately, my hearing was at a disadvantage by the distance in which I chose my hiding place. I could vaguely see Haruhi's lips moving and Hikaru's blank stare towards her. Then…it happened and she kissed him on the lips. I watched and bit my lip forcing myself to watch the scene in front of me as a reminder to myself, of the heartbreak I would experience if I even tried to be in Hikaru's league. Still, I felt hurt and angry, and the tears were already pooling down my cheeks, and the chocked sob that left my throat gave me away as Hikaru whirled around and saw me crouching in the corner.

_…And then, silence. It was suffocating silence. When the doctor shuffled to the door, my heart was the only thing to remind me that I wasn't deaf…_

"K-Kaoru?" He asked unsure of himself, and most likely the betrayal of his privacy that I had committed. Between us, it was new to me, because I never knew what privacy was.

Then I bolted. I don't think I've ever run so fast in my life. My mother always did say I had the ability to be the world's best track runner, though I never joined it, because it wasn't something that appealed to Hikaru, and therefore wasn't something I was interested in.

I couldn't tell if Hikaru was trying to keep up with me or not. I could hear his voice getting more and more detached as I ran, until it was gone. Then I figured, he gave up. He gave up, before I even had a chance.

_…My whole being was quivering because the doctor was stalling…and I knew it wasn't good…_

I walked across the street to a small café. It did have someone sitting up at the bar, but I figured as shady as the place looked, they probably had a lot of incidents that were much more bizarre and uncommon then the situation I was in.

It smelled like old burnt popcorn, and I could tell the room needed to be swept, something we had maids for. The atmosphere was also stuffy and irritating. Perfect.

"Can I get you anything sir?" The clerk asked maintaining his post at the cash register.

"Yeah, just make it something hot." I grumbled sitting up at the bar.

"Sure thing. Are you sure you're alright sir?"

I looked up from my current glare contest at the countertops, giving the man a look, I knew he would catch as one that meant I didn't want to be questioned at the moment.

He simply smiled brewing the coffee and sliding it across the counter to me. "It's on the house."

"…thanks" I mumbled sounding less grateful for his kindness then I was.

"You know if I were you, I would go back to her and talk about it."

I looked up amazed at how the man knew my exact situation…well, despite the gender factor. "H-how did you…"

"I've had that look myself many times…"

"Oh." I muttered downing my mug.

"…Whether, she likes you back or not, you should try to find her, because I'm guessing she at least still cares about you…and you're probably worrying her."

I smiled a bit and looked up at him thanking him for the coffee and making my way out the door. "Oh by the way…it's a boy."

The man chuckled and shook his head waving me goodbye. That's when I heard the screeching of tires and that horrible scream. Someone was in pain. I was yet to find out that someone would be my Hikaru, lying body-shattered underneath two cars.

_…I fell to my knees. I fell hard, and cried just as badly, again, I didn't know why, because you were alright. Then I remembered why I was upset. It was my fault you were hurt in the first place..._


	4. Chapter 4

_I felt arms wrap around me and help me to my feet while I was still sobbing like an idiot. I didn't know who the arms even belonged to, and at the moment, frankly, I didn't give a damn. I burried my head in the chest attached to the arms and despite the lack of feminine physic, the tiny lumps hidden under the dress proved it to be who I had been hating most. Haruhi._

_"Kaoru…I'm so sorry."_

_All I could do was continue to sob and whimper, until I had made sure that the whole front of her dress was completely soaked._

_"If you can, Kaoru, listen to me. Hikaru had nothing to do with what happened back at the school…I mean nothing. I know you two really care about each other, and…" she staggered with her words. I could hear her voice dripping with embarassment. "…I really care about Hikaru. That kiss, was sort of…my goodbye."_

_As pissed off as I was the story nearly broke my heart. Not to long ago, I had thought our situations were flipped, and I was the one saying goodbye. I couldn't comprehend, and I didn't want to, how aweful it was to lose you._

_"It's alright." I replied as I attempted to try to keep my voice from shaking._

_Haruhi smiled sadly looking thankful that I had forgiven her and all was at peace. "Be happy." She commented. "He's alive."_

_"I know…with a broken collar bone, a broken arm, 12 broken ribs, and bumps, cuts, and bruises."_

_"He broke half of his ribs?" she asked in shock._

_"How is that surprising? He's always been reckless." I joked trying to put my guilt at ease._

_She smiled softly nodding her head. "Well, I probably should get back before Tamaki shows up. The whole host club dropped everything they were doing as soon as they heard._

_I nodded knowingly. As much worry and pain as it had caused them, it was nothing compared to what I had gone through. My fear of being alone, without you was greater then death itself believe it or not. We were always selfish, and we probably always would be, but when it came to you, I was the most selfish I could ever be._

_As Haruhi left, the doctor poked his head out of the door for the second time that night, smiling in what was supposed to be a comforting way. "He's awake."_


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the malfunction of the chapter guys! I fixed it so it's only chapter 5 now. Thank you to Mis Hal Gibson for pointing out the problem!**

**Also thank you for all the reviews. I read them at work and started giggling like a complete idiot. You guys make me feel so loved! Really I don't deserve it ;_;**

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_"Hikaru?" I asked with a voice that didn't seem to be my own._

_"Kaoru…" You replied back in a voice just as foreign._

_Despite the awkward space that hung in the air, a barrier that was new to us, I sat by your arm careful not to accidentally sit on anything vital to you healing. "…does it hurt?"_

_"What do you think Kaoru?" You asked shooting me a playful glare. Of course, you were always in high spirits no matter what the situation; always holding me up with you._

_I took the look seriously though and so I decided I didn't have the right to look at you anymore, and took to staring at the floor. _

_"Kaoru it was a joke."_

_"It wasn't funny! I feel awful for what I caused Hikaru…you deserve this least of all people for going after me when I was so hard headed and-"_

_"Kaoru! No….no it was my fault for not considering your feelings. Remember you didn't make me go after you, I chose to." The soft skin on your hand cupping my cheek frailly was nearly enough to knock me head over heels._

_"…..I'm sick."_

_Hikaru frowned. "Have you caught a cold?"_

_"No."_

_"A fever?"_

_"No!"_

_"Maybe you-"  
"No Hikaru, I love you!"_

_Silence was murderous. I thank you for ending it. " …I know. I was trying to run after you to tell you that…I love you too."_

_It was so silly the both of us going through so much just to tell each other something that we acted out every day in the host club. Acting did have it's differences from reality…but if I could have felt the kiss you placed against my lips any sooner, I would have shouted the confession at the top of a mountain._

_The hands that commandingly pulled me over your body that somehow at the same time, managed to be gentle. I was too timid and worried of breaking you in your condition, but I wanted to touch you too. I wanted to hear, see, and __**feel**__ this was real. I was careful running those hands down your chest…removing your hospital gown, and I was thankful you were gentle and loving when removing my clothes. We didn't need to be hasty or rough…we were loving and careful of each other. Who knew when one of us could just disappear._

_I thank God the door was locked, though God would definitely not approve of what we were doing. It hurt when you pushed into me…even with as gently as you tried, but I was thankful for the patience you had when you waited for the tears to stop coming down my face. I really was such a woman when It came to crying. I had been doing it often._

_In return I was careful when my hips rocked against yours, but we weren't quiet when it came to letting each other know the little caresses, jerking hips, and thrusts felt wonderful, and so much needed. We weren't silent in making sure we knew that we loved each other when we whispered it. We definitely weren't at all reserved when it was over, I don't think I've yelled so loudly in my life…I don't think I'd ever seen such a beautiful mess. _

_"Hikaru…" I looked over at your smiling face by your side._

_"Hm?"_

_"I caught you." I giggled looping my arms around you lightly._

_"No Kaoru…you were the one running. I caught you."_

_Or maybe we just caught each other._


End file.
